Next year I will fall in love with myself and the world and life again

Seperti biasa gue menyiapkan tulisan yang gue posting di akhir tahun. I had a lot of worries, fears, and troubles plaguing me this year. Makin gede, gatau kenapa gue makin sering ngerasa takut. Fortunately, I have friends who helped me to find a good direction as a human being and to think positive thoughts. They send out meaningful calls or messages to me. There are times when those calls or messages comfort me. And I think they give me strength. Hal tersebut yang buat gue mikir always have deep conversations with the right people. Gue anaknya mageran. Sampe kadang kalo ada keluhan gue mager cerita ke orang lain. Jadi efeknya ga bagus buat diri sendiri. Tapi semenjak kuliah gue mulai terbuka, dan gue cerita hal menyenangkan atau keluhan ke teman terdekat gue. Because I think a single conversation with a person who has the same soul as you is better.

Banyak hal positif dan masukan serta kritik yang gue terima dari teman gue. Iya kalian ga salah baca, KRITIK. Kritik membuat gue bisa jadi manusia yang lebih baik lagi. Kritik yang membangun dan saran-saran yang gue terima membuat gue merasa tahun ini banyak pencapaian yang gue raih. Walaupun perjuangan, jatuh bangun dan nangis-nangisnya banyak juga pastinya. Terutama dalam hal pekerjaan. I’ve realized the biggest obstacle in the way of me and my best work is myself. Seriously, I want to do good work. I want to do work I’m proud of. This matters to me on a deep, inherent level. I want to make a difference, or at least feel like I’m making a difference through my work. Without that feeling, that connection, the work feels pointless and vapid. Karena itu, gue akan berusaha sebaik mungkin untuk jadi pribadi yang lebih baik lagi, terutama dengan hal yang menyangkut pekerjaan. It’s nice to make someone feel good, but it’s also nice to feel good at something. Even if that thing makes me very uncomfortable at times. Even if that thing puts a lot of pressure on me. Even if that thing is very stressful. Sometimes it’s just nice to feel good at something.

Selain itu, tahun ini karakter people-pleasure yang sempet gue ungkapin di What I learned in 2022 So Far juga perlahan gue kurangin. Gue pikir gimana bisa ngerasa senang atau bahagia seutuhnya kalo gue aja masih ngerasain hal-hal yang ga enak. I know it so well that happiness is something that can be shared. Baca dari mana gitu kalo “One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.” I think we tend to focus so much on the individual, but I’ve absolutely found my greatest personal moments of happiness in making others happy and in sharing these moments together.

Now, I will focus on myself, will write the phrase in sticky notes and put it on the wall. I know focusing on myself won’t be easy. It will take continuous effort, time, and attention. It will mean working on my issues, facing them head-on instead of letting them serve as distractions or trying to pretend they’re less than they are. It will mean doing THE WORK. The soul-scraping introspection it takes to understand where bad habits and insecurities and self-sabotaging patterns come from and why, plus the motivation to challenge and change those bad habits and insecurities and self-sabotaging patterns even as they continue to get triggered over and over again by various life events.

The seemingly insignificant choices we make every day— To be honest with the people we love and with ourselves— To let go of the things we can’t control, and appreciate the things we can. Sometimes it’s hard to see how much these things mean. But they add up. They mean everything.

2022 has been a huge year, my goal for the next year is just to fall back in love with myself and the world and life again. I’ll never stop doing good. I believe, all the kindness will always return a hundredfold to someone who did.

I wish us a ton of success on whichever path we decide to take. We'll do just fine!

Wishlist di tahun 2022 yang gue tulis si akhir 2021 tercapai semua. Alhamdulillah! Untuk 2023 gue akan menulist wishlist yang sama. Because I think those 10 things are the most important things to me right now!

1. Prioritize healthy and my own happiness👑

2. Relax! I need to control my emotion~

3. Exercise and take walks, I need to be in the best shape possible, both physically and mentally.

4. Read more books, upgrade myself. Use social media and Youtube far less.

5. Get a new job, yup!

6. Earn a lot of money and eat good foods!

7. Buy the things that you want! just don't be too extravagant and remember your limits

8. Study English, more harder please!

9. I hope things get better in the world so I can travel to places I've never been.

10. always be grateful in any situation

XO Deb:)